How do I make the transition from nursery to school easier?

With five children, you would think I would have the whole “starting school” thing figured out by now, but I still remember the nerves, the questions and the little worries that come with every child. My youngest is still in nursery for one more year, and even though I have been through this journey several times already, I know I will probably still feel that familiar mix of excitement and worry when it is their turn to start Reception.

If there is one thing I have learned as a mum, it is that every child starts school differently. Some children walk through the gates confidently, chatting away and ready for anything. Others need a little more time to warm up, watch from the sidelines and build their confidence. Neither is better than the other. Starting school is a massive change for a little person, and the aim is not for them to be “perfect” before they arrive — it is for them to feel secure, loved and ready to take their next step.

When I think back to my own children starting school, the things that mattered most were not whether they could write beautifully or knew every number. The biggest things were the everyday skills: could they ask for help, could they tell an adult what they needed, could they listen, have a go and feel comfortable trying something new? These are the foundations that help children settle into school life.

UK schools follow the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS), and Reception teachers look at the whole child. They are interested in communication and language, personal and social development, physical skills, early literacy, early maths and how children explore and learn. They are not expecting every four-year-old to walk through the door with the same abilities. Teachers know that children develop at different rates and that some skills come later for some children.

There are lots of little things we can do at home to help prepare children for Reception, but they do not need to feel like homework. Everyday life is full of opportunities. Reading bedtime stories, singing nursery rhymes, chatting about what you see on a walk, baking together, playing games and letting children help with small jobs all build important skills. The conversations we have with our children often teach them far more than we realise.

Schools will often encourage children to become more independent before starting Year R. This might include trying to put on their own coat, carrying their own bag, using the toilet independently, washing their hands, opening their lunch box, putting things away and looking after their belongings. These are skills we can practise gently over time. Some children will pick them up quickly, while others need lots of reminders — and that is absolutely fine.

Many parents worry about reading, writing and numbers. It is natural to wonder if your child is “ready”. Some children may recognise letters, write their name, count confidently or know some sounds before starting school. Others may still be learning these things. The important thing is not to create pressure but to encourage curiosity. A child who enjoys books, asks questions, joins in songs and feels proud of having a go is developing exactly the right attitude for learning.

Social skills are another area that schools support children with. Reception teachers look for children beginning to make friends, take turns, share, listen to others and manage their feelings with help. But please remember — they are four years old. They are still learning how to navigate friendships and emotions. One of my children was naturally outgoing and would join any group, while another needed time to observe before joining in. Both children were perfectly normal, just different.

One of the best things we can do before school starts is build confidence. Let children try things for themselves, even if it takes longer. Let them make small choices, solve little problems and learn that mistakes are part of learning. Sometimes as parents it is quicker to do everything ourselves, but giving children time to practise tells them, “I believe you can do this.”

The first few weeks of Reception can bring big emotions. Some children settle straight away, while others cry at the school gate, come home tired or suddenly become clingier. It does not mean they are behind or that they are not ready. They are adjusting to a completely new world with new routines, new faces and lots of new experiences. They may use all their energy being brave at school and then release their feelings when they get home.

My biggest piece of advice to any new Reception mum would be: please do not compare your child. There will always be a child who seems to know more, speak more confidently or appear more settled. But you only see a tiny part of someone else’s story. Your child has their own timeline, their own strengths and their own way of learning.

As I look ahead to my youngest starting school, I will remind myself of the same thing I have reminded myself with all my children: they do not need to arrive as the finished article. That is what school is for — to teach, encourage and help them grow. Our job is to give them love, confidence, opportunities to practise and reassurance that they can do hard things.

So if your little one is starting Reception soon, take the pressure off yourself. Read together, talk together, practise the practical things and enjoy this last year before school. Celebrate who your child is today, not just who you hope they will become. They will get there in their own time.